I just received another sick-note from the doctors for my boss. (Officially it’s called a “fit note”, which seems nonsense to me since it’s required when you’re not fit to work). I feel weird. I should be relieved they accepted my request for another whole month at home without batting an eyelid. Instead, I feel weird, sad, anxious, worried.
“Condition: Mental health”. In my form I wrote them “Persistent OCD, with inability to perform normal daily activities like going out, bathing, or cooking properly.” But yeah, “mental health” is fine, I guess. Although I think it would be better to say “mental illness”, at least.
Nevermind. The point is: will I be able to get through another month of isolation? And will it be enough? What if it’s still not enough? What if there’s no way back for me?
I take medication, I have two therapy sessions a week, I exercise every day… what else should I do? Why am I still not well? I feel stuck, I’m afraid I’ll never get back to my normal life. But I don’t want to live like this, I hate living like this. I just don’t know how to unblock myself.
I want my life back.
Meanwhile, friends (who know I’ve been home from work for over three months because I’M SICK) text me:
- “How are you? Did you have a good weekend?” (Of course! Wonderful!)
- “Hi, are you feeling better? What are your plans for this week?” (Seriously, are you kidding me?)
FUCK OFF!
It’s sunny and warm outside and I feel like shit, hopeless.
And this is why IT SHOULD BE CALLED SICK NOTE, because if I was fit I would not need one! Ffs.
OCD waves 