Today the sun is out and I can feel it. It may seem trivial, but it’s not at all. Until a couple of weeks ago, it made no difference to me whether it was grey or bright out there; in fact, if it was dark, I felt less guilty about being cooped up here, far from the world.
But in the last few days, I’ve been feeling better and everything is different, I feel alive and it’s beautiful!
My OCD is still with me, I’m far from back to normal, but it’s as if I feel like I’m headed in the right direction… In fact, I know I am: because I take the medication, I do the ERP exercises, and because I feel better!
The vortex has started turning in the right direction! That vicious vortex (the vortex of fear) that spins faster and faster, bringing you down, is now turning in the opposite direction, in the RIGHT direction, turning towards life, towards the outside, towards freedom and the light.
And all it takes is getting into the right gear. Well, that’s not true, to be honest: first of all, you need to have a mental stability (that is nothing abstract, indeed it’s very real: it’s chemistry) that ALLOWS you to shift into the right gear. After that, even with difficulty (because the first steps are the hardest), you “just” need to shift into the right gear: small things, don’t give up, small things with perseverance and determination… and then, magically, everything becomes easier, those little things become more and more, and you do them with pleasure and joy!
I no longer want to take anything for granted in life, nothing: appreciating the sunlight, taking a shower, eating hearty meals, petting a cat, shaking someone’s hand… And I’m grateful to feel like I’ve finally got into the right gear for the climb: the virtuous vortex!
OCD waves 